Tastes Like Heaven - Why I don't diet!

Me, diet?

I don't diet. I have tried. I have succeeded. I have failed. Even my doctors have given up on parroting the "diet and exercise" mantra. I like to think am a very intelligent young woman. I know what healthy food is. I know what foods to avoid. I know what to eat and how much. I do a great job 90% of the time. It's that other 10% that's killing me. Most of the time I eat healthy food: fruits, veggies, lean meats. And I like them.

And then it happens. I cheat. Why? Like a lot of people, it can start with a craving for a food or flavor. It nags and nags at me until I give it. I swear sometimes I can hear the donuts calling me from the kitchen. I know exactly which one I want. And just what it will taste like. I have tried ignoring it. I read somewhere that cravings only last about 10 minutes. If you wait it goes away. I have waited. Ten minutes. Ten hours. Ten days. So much for that theory. Sometimes I make that horrible mistake of thinking I can just have one bite, or only a few, of something. Pie, cake, cookies, pizza, you name it. I have eaten an entire bag of cheese curls in a day. A dozen cookies in one night. I know its unhealthy. That I will gain weight. That in many cases it will make sick due to food allergies, sensitivities, and intolerance. But at that moment I don't care.

Actually, caring or not barely crosses my mind. If I do slow down enough to think, it is usually the same thoughts: Just this one last time. Or, I will be good for the next week to make up for it. Or, it will help me sleep or make me feel better. The decision happens so quick I barely notice making it. What I do notice is what happens next. As I take that first bite. It tastes like heaven! That is the best way I can explain it. If you could taste heaven, that would be it. It feels that way too. Like heaven. The flavors, the textures, the simple pleasure. I feel it all the way down to my toes. That bubbly yet calming wave of pleasure. It's almost better than sex. Almost. They might be tied. Don't tell my boyfriend!

Bundle of Joy

One of my biggest weaknesses is McDonald's cheeseburgers. There are so many reasons I should not eat them. I need to lose weight. I have high blood pressure. I am allergic to sesame seeds. I have an intolerance for wheat proteins and a sensitivity to wheat. I also have a slight intolerance for beef. That spells gas, bloating, stomach pain, diarrhea, migraines, sinus discomfort. Its like eating a tiny little bomb that will wreak havoc on my system. Why on earth would I eat one of these?! Do I have a death wish? Quite the contrary. I desperately want to be healthy. So then why do I eat them? Heaven. In a moment of stress or weakness, who would deprive themselves a moment of heaven? Obviously, not me.

That adorable warm little bundle of joy. Wrapped snugly in its crinkly orange paper. That cute little bun. Just a tiny bit too big. Concealing a yummy patty of beef. That is beef, right? Those teeny tiny chopped onions. Barely noticeable, yet oh so essential. The sour soft crunch of the the pickle. Just the right amount of ketchup and mustard to moisten the bun and excite the senses. The cheese, hovering somewhere between cold and melted, ties the flavors together. Each flavor, each texture, is unique and pops out yet blends together like a symphony in my mouth. I savor the entire experience. From unwrapping, to the first bite, to the last crumb.

Everything else disappears. My two minutes in heaven. Sometimes I order two. I don't know why. Greedy perhaps. The second one is never as good. The high of the first heavenly experience cannot be replicated. Not yet anyway. And afterwards. Do I feel guilty? Not a bit. Not a shred of remorse for one single bite taken. I am glowing. Giddy.When I stop to think about what I have done, I justify it. I was stressed and now I feel better. It was in a hurry and I can eat them while I drive. It wont make me that sick. I took off part of the bun. It was so absolutely worth it.

Victory?

Yesterday, I fought the urge to order the two cheeseburgers that my brain was demanding. I convinced myself that the heaven I experience is not real. That I invented it, and I can un-invent it. That the adorable little bundle will only poison me. That I can find something else just as good but not as bad. Or at least close. I am very proud of this success. I am holding on to these feelings. The detest of the burger. The high of yesterday's victory. I will keep them fresh in my mind. Consciously repeating them. Until they become automatic. I quit smoking this way. By convincing myself that just one puff of one cigarette will make me feel sick. But can I do this with food? With heaven?! Only time will tell. If I succeed, the sky is the limit: cherry pie, chocolate cake, Doritos, cookies, bread, even pizza. I am optimistic. But for now it's only day one. Let's focus on the burgers.